


Applying Humanity

by reafterthought



Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Universe: Appli Monsters
Genre: Canon Compliant, Introspection, M/M, Poetry, Relationship Study, ffn challenge: diversity writing challenge, ffn challenge: mega prompts challenge, prose poetry, word count: 1501-2500
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-12-24 17:44:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21103448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reafterthought/pseuds/reafterthought
Summary: His future was already written, but when he chose Haru to write his present, he was adding a few twists to the tale.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Diversity Writing Challenge, e2 - poetry novel, and for the Mega Prompts Challenge, quote prompt 244 - "Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life." ― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

Haru was the base of his humanity.

He needed a base for his humanity because he’d been created for a future but his past and present were both empty pages of a book

And of course empty pages existed to be written in

But it was hard, once he chose Haru for that role because Haru was his future as well and he had to make sure the maker remained ignorant of the future he was writing towards

And isn’t that  
misleading?  
betraying?  
cruel?

Still he has to do it because the only fixed part of him is his future and the only part of him that can choose has already chosen – chosen the writer, the maker, the most important person

And don’t remember it’s all contradictory in the end  
Don’t forget it won’t last forever  
because eventually Haru will write into the pre-ordained future  
and the words Haru continues to write

Won’t mean  
anything  
any  
more.


	2. Chapter 2

The next few years are a nice dream.

He can almost forget  
(he’s not human after all)  
but almost isn’t quite good enough and he knows those shackles are going to keep him properly bound

And he can only hope it’s not a noose that’ll  
tighten  
around  
his  
neck  
because hanging’s a horrible way to go

And he’s not human so he’s seen plenty of data  
and data’s no substitute for real life emotion  
for humans  
except  
he’s not a human

And all he can do is clinically analyse that data and say  
it’s a really horrible way to go  
the way the legs scramble for a foothold in the air after the foothold’s been kicked away either by their own death wish or somebody marketing themselves as the executioner  
or the way their fingers claw at a rope that only tightens with gravity’s pull and the rope chafes and rubs but doesn’t cut and the knot doesn’t come undone because people with intent and knowledge don’t generally tie knots that will come easily undone  
and the way their eyes bulge out and their tongue hangs and their lips turn blue and worst of all their face becomes red then mottled grey because the blood is all stuck

And he can only imagine his maintenance being done not quite right  
and that’s not the same thing not at all

And in any case this is a figurative noose  
(but they wouldn’t call it a noose if it wasn’t a comparable metaphor)   
and he’s already slipped the noose around his neck by befriending Shinkai Haru  
and it’s not killing him any time soon but it’s also a little too tight  
to just slip right off and toss in a corner  
of his drive. 


	3. Chapter 3

He almost doesn’t realise the signs  
of an ending dream

But the sun is harsh against the thin horizon  
and his eyes aren’t human (and they won’t grow old and tired with age) so of course he can’t help but see  
that thin but cruel streak of white light burning  
through the nice comfortable shawl he’d wrought  
around himself.

And first it’s the little things.

Haru’s hiding things, suddenly.  
Making new friends.  
Being away more often.  
Unable to fill in the gaps.

And he finds his eyes drawn to all those little things, trying to take apart the puzzle  
and he doesn’t have the ability to grow tired or bored or blindly trust like humans can  
so all he can do is hone into all those little consistencies and try to link them all together  
and it doesn’t take long at all before he understands  
and then he has to pretend he still has no idea, that he doesn’t understand  
and pretend to trust  
and to worry  
(except the worry’s real; he doesn’t have to pretend to worry because he does genuinely care for Haru;   
that’s the choice he made for himself a long time ago)

And it’s laughable how the next stage somehow involves  
him joining them as an ally

Because the blindness of humans (and even some AIs) knows no bounds apparently  
and the duplicity aims to crush him alive  
(and never mind he’s not technically alive to begin with;  
he exists for an end purpose, and it just hasn’t come yet  
is all).


	4. Chapter 4

His duplicity knows no bounds  
apparently

As he’s swept into Haru’s side again,  
a magnet riding a wave

And he dutifully plays his role  
and his new faithful companion, faithful side-kick  
with his own demons and own shares of troubles  
(and oh how much worse will things become when he realises the truth  
though for now he can’t find out the truth)

But they trudge along  
and they became like real Chosen and partner  
even though they can never truly be  
Chosen and partner

And on some deep instinctive level even his partner knows this  
even though he doesn’t know why  
and thinks it’s him,  
it’s always him.

It’s him.

Still, he keeps quiet because he needs to hold on to this fantasy as long as possible  
and it’s almost a relief, in the end, to be swept away to play the damsel in distress  
because Leviathan will hide him then, protect him  
and distance will hide him then, protect him

And he doesn’t have to wear the mask of dutiful friend, dutiful partner  
while being the time bomb set amongst the crowd, just waiting for the activation switch to be flipped

And he doesn’t have to worry about the others because they’re all empty threats; they’re not allowed to touch him

But of course even that reprieve is short lived because he is rescued by his dutiful friend  
and he has to play again the role of friend in need and damsel in distress  
and food friend aside because he can see the battle scars and weariness hanging on Haru like an empty cloak  
(and he knows the time is drawing ever nearer and the burden he’s about to place is far heavier than a hundred of those coal-heavy cloaks).


	5. Chapter 5

They collect the remaining pieces like a puzzle  
and then it’s time.

They chase after the final piece, not even realising  
and his feet drag behind because he knows this is the end if they catch him  
and they will catch him.  
They can’t afford to catch him.

And then Bootmon is cornered and convinced and that’s it, the gig’s finally up  
and it’s not a relief at all. It’s painful, the way he has to tear his own heart apart  
to tear apart somebody else’s

But that future was decided for him when he was born and he just chose to make it difficult for himself by choosing a present that was sure  
to clash with it.

And here he now is  
having to smash that present to pieces to enter the future  
but he can’t help but do it, smash it to pieces  
because he can’t help but enter that future; it’s the only reason he exists.

So he does it. He smashes the present and his own heart and Haru’s as well  
and his dear partner who’s had such a poor hand from fate dealt to him  
but he does this faithfully as well; let’s his heart be crushed

But Haru, poor Haru, like a good friend can’t just let his heart be crushed to pieces and move on.  
He’s like a broken doll, a broken puppet, a broken machine  
watching him, constantly attempting to reboot, attempting to reason  
but there’s no reasoning, not from this

Because Yuujin is an AI and he made one singularly illogical decision that has lead to this  
being more complicated and more painful than it should have been

Or perhaps it was a bit of vindictiveness or cruel playfulness programmed into him  
and he never knew it.

But it doesn’t matter. It’s done now. He leaves the shattered pieces of all their hearts  
on the crumbling ground

And they fall with Haru,  
fall  
into the void below.


	6. Chapter 6

Haru climbs out of a hole with no bottom and no ladder  
and no life rope except the one he’s forged himself through a belief that was based on lies

But humans have a talent for that that other species lack; they are able to delude themselves with lies and create an entire world, an entire way of life  
and this Haru creates a rope out of the shattered parts of his heart and uses it to climb out of hell.

Yuujin – the betrayer, the demon who guards the door to hell, the final enemy – he waits for them.

And Haru just smiles, more at peace than he’s ever seen

And here he realises  
just how unlike a human he is  
and  
just how like a human he is

Because Haru’s eyes are as stubborn as he’s ever seen,  
because Haru’s smile is as stubborn as he’s ever seen,  
because Haru’s heart is as stubborn as he’s ever seen  
if he’s managed to put it all back together without a trace of a crack  
and without casting him aside to do it.

He’s overestimated Haru.  
He’s underestimated Haru.  
Or perhaps he was banking on this very thing, banking on Haru being more than Leviathan had bargained for, being everything Minerva had bargained for, being everything and more that Yuujin had bargained for…

And who was it, in the end, that made Shinkai Haru the saviour of all AIs?   
Because, in the end, that’s what all of them want from him  
and Minerva who’s had the most faith is the one who loses out  
but that’s alright  
because Leviathan is defeated after all  
and Yuujin is saved after all

And even if he has to fade out of existence now, he sees that same stubborn look in Haru’s face as the one he bore when he climbed out of the darkness as he knows  
He knows

That Haru will open a future for him  
after his file has closed.


End file.
